Adjusting to living abroad is a process, not unlike dating, if you think about it! First, you look at your options, then make a decision to try an option out. It is exciting at first, everything is new and you try new things. Then the honeymoon phase wears off and you realize the strange or annoying habits, and then comes the critical point: are the pros worth the cons? Is your heart in it? If the answer is yes, then you move forward together, blending habits and cultures until a happy medium is found.

So how do you start this process? What are some ideas to try out to make this process go as well and seamlessly as possible? Here are some tips that I find necessary or helpful, starting on Day 1:

1) Learn the language as soon as possible!

I consider this a non-negotiable for anyone who wants to live in another country for any longer period of time. Not only is language a cultural key to understanding tour new country and their people, it opens the locks of the system and beauracracy to you directly, without having to go through someone else (like a translator, interpreter, or helpful friend). It is near-impossible to live in a foreign country for any length of time without learning the language and still feel welcome and acclimated. You will spare yourself a lot of headache and will be grateful and relieved to finally be able to communicate on all levels, at the store, in the foreigner’s office, with your new friends or work colleagues.

But how? Besides free or paid services online to learn at your own speed, like Duolingo or Rosetta Stone, there are language schools all over the world for foreigners that offer courses at every level, including exams and certificates if you need it for work, like Berlitz or Goethe Institute here in Germany. Other ways to improve your language skills, which I have also personally used, are:

• Immersion, immersion, immersion! The best way to learn a language is to surround yourself by it as much as possible. Just dive in! Watch TV and movies (with English subtitles if need be), listen to radio, read magazines, books and articles in the language.
• Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to talk! Not knowing something is nothing to be embarassed about. Even after you know only a few words, try to use them as often as possible. Using what little language skills you have is the only way to improve, staying silent won’t help anyone.
• Write in the language, like a journal or diary.
• Find a tandem partner, someone who wants to learn your language and help you with theirs, the native language (this is usually free because both people benefit). Post signs around a local university or on eBay or other local listings to find one.
• Pay for private 1-on-1 conversational help or tutoring if you can afford it. Again, check out the local university for students offering these services.
• Have a few grammar books on hand to use as a reference or for further study on your own.
• Most importantly – interact with the locals! I have found there will be some who are more interested in foreigners than others, so go with it. Invite them over, exchange cultural interests and traditions, and explain to them you’d like to learn the language so would love it if they let you speak it (i.e. not always practice their English) and even correct you from time to time. Plus, talk to your neighbors, store clerks, market vendors, etc. You may learn some local dialect and evoke a few smiles.

2) Get to know the natives

This may seem like an obvious and simple thing to do, but it is easy to flock to other foreigners who understand your situation first-hand and are also learning the language! Of course don’t actively avoid other foreigners, but leave plenty of time and effort for the natives! If you don’t work or study with them, find ways to meet them using your hobbies or interests, in particular ones that meet regularly: sport clubs, mom/kid play groups, arts/crafts nights, other clubs, or even reaching out at parties or clubs if you are outgoing. I joined a local orchestra when I first arrived here – I not only made friends that I still have contact with, but this was the most fruitful and fun way to learn German!

3) Check out local events.

Don’t shy away from events or traditions that you aren’t yet familiar with; by bringing a friend or just casually checking an event in your area out, you can learn a lot about the culture of the area where you live and have a topic of conversation for natives for the next time you meet (“did you see the huge xyz float at that Rosenmontag parade? Wow!”). Not only will you learn about your new home but it will show the natives that you are interested in learning about them too! These may include neighborhood parties, open-air festivals, fairs, village Easter egg hunts for kids, clothing/toy/food/weekly markets, church activities, community center activities, university get-togethers, etc etc.

4) Watch the news / check news sites.

Again, keeps you up-to-date on your surroundings, be it political or cultural, especially if watching local or regional news. Check news sites for the city where you live. This offers more conversation topics and perspectives into local culture, and also presents ideas of how to get involved or what to do around the area.

5) Follow social media.

You probably do this anyway, but don’t forget to add the accounts from the city where you live or look up hashtags in the language where you live. This will keep you up-to-date in whatever interests you in your new home and provide opportunities to find events and connect where you live.

6) Be yourself but take your audience into account.

Being yourself is a must to flourish anywhere, but you may have to tone it down a little based on the culture of the country where you live. This may take some time….to figure out the differences for one, but also to determine what part of you “works” for most and what is best left for those who respond to it. For example, while Germans are generally polite to acquaintances, too many jokes or flattery may be taken as superficial or even flirtatious (what an American may consider charming, friendly, and normal conversation) will seem not honest to a German (they tend to value being direct and blunt to a T and feel that small talk is superficial).

As always, there are exceptions that prove the rule, but if an acquaintance never invites you out again, maybe it is just a basic clashing of personalities. But if patterns repeat, it may be time to dig deeper to see if the problem lies in cultural and interpersonal differences.

7) Find new favorites.

Feeling at home somewhere new is about actually liking the new things around you, be it people, places or things. So get out thereand try new things!

Spend some time perusing different sections at your local grocery store and get a few new items not on your list. Try out different cafés, bars or restaurants and find your new fav, even get to know the waiters or owner. Try some traditional food from the area to learn about local tastes, be able to comment on a classic (like how seemingly no Northern Germans actually like a supposed popular local specialty, Labskaus), adjust your palate, and find a new favorite (I love fish now and have many different ways of preparing fresh fish, all acquired after living over here). Check out speciality stores for new items that even locals may not know yet (another conversation topic!) – you may even find something from home there by chance, too (I found flavored coffee and caramels like in the States at a local semi-touristy specialty tea shop, for example). Stop in that cute clothing/accessory/trinket/book shop that you’ve always admired from the street. Even try out a new sport or hobby!

8) Be flexible and open.

How people interact with you, what the natives like or prefer, even communication – nothing is the same as back home! Obviously…but also a reminder to be open and flexible for what may come to you. If an acquaintance suggests doing something you are not initially 100% keen on it, try it out anyway and it might be a bonding experience that could lead to lasting friendship. Maybe you’ll learn something new about yourself, or just about your new home culture. Plus the other person will most likely appreciate your openness and willingness to play along.

Living abroad demands flexibility anyway, since nothing here ever seems to go as planned. Plus you would hope that anyone you meet would be patient with your language skills/lack of knowledge of the area/different cultural mannerisms/questions/etc, so give them the courtesy of doing the same; it’s the only way to adapt and stay sane. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Try to stay open and take whatever happens, good or bad, as a learning experience and a story to tell!